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April 04, 2005

Advice to ABB Liberals: Name Changes to Fool Red-Staters

Nothing fails like failure, and countless liberal lobbyist organizations have chosen to further their causes by sticking with the same, useless method of adjusting their messages to connect with their idea of what the working stiff on the street wants to hear. A standard practice for liberal groups is to abandon any language that even hints at what they're trying to accomplish. The argument such groups make goes something like this: We can't possibly get anyone to agree with us on principle, so we should just give ourselves a name that people can agree with in part, or else a name sufficiently bland to prevent all but insiders from having any idea what our group is about.

For instance: the word NARAL is, in fact, an acronym, even though this organization has abandoned any ties to troublesome terms like "abortion rights" or "action" and has opted for the more red-stately moniker Pro-Choice America. Note the addition of a NASCAR-friendly term like "America." If your liberal lobbyist organization is not willing to change its name to include buzzwords like "America" or "Freedom" or "Fuck Osama" then it's likely that you are simply unserious and out of step with the liberal intelligentsia's latest research on working class yokels. Likewise, the gay rights organization with the absolute best track record when it comes to wasting money on Democrats is called the Human Rights Campaign, a perfect name for an organization dedicated to furthering the struggle for the rights of gays and lesbians due to its utter lack of any red-state unfriendly terms like "gay" or "lesbian." (Sometimes, just to be safe, they just use the acronym HRC, as this could also stand for some sort of red-state group, like the Houston Ranching Coalition.)

Although many progressives are insulted by this kind of silly and counterproductive pandering to the right, we at ReverseVoteSwap.org consider it a positive step. Our hope is that as Democratic Party front groups adopt more and more conservative-sounding names, their followers will become disgusted and jump ship, realizing that social change comes not through throwing ca$h money at Democrats, but through mass action and mass Reverse Vote Swapping. With this goal in mind, RVS.org has drawn up a list of suggested name changes for different liberal groups. Each name is guaranteed red-state friendly!

The name of each existing liberal group is followed by a possible new, Kerrycrat-style name which will certainly sit well with pragmatic, triangulating Democrats!

NARAL Pro-Choice America:
Patriots for Freedom (of choice)

Progressive Democrats of America:
American Patriots for Progress and Democracy

National Organization for Women:
Patriotic Ladies' Auxilliary

Win Without War:
America Rules! Coalition


American Civil Liberties Union:
No Osamas Union

Democratic Socialists of America:
National Socialists of America

The Nation Magazine:
The Nation BBQ and Grille

Posted by convener at April 4, 2005 01:50 PM