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In Cut & Run!

July 08, 2005

RVS.org sez: "Cut & Run!"

ReverseVoteSwappers are doubtless sick of hearing liberal hawks fall on top of each other, racing to prove that they aren't calling for an end to the devastation in Iraq. Pro-war candidate John Kerry, heavily supported by the anti-war movement, elevated "I'm not saying cut and run" to the status of "pragmatic" mantra for pro-war Democrats. Now, nearly every time Democrats make a statement about the war on Iraq, they preface it with a solemn vow that "cut and run" is most certainly not the strategy that they are advocating. Most take it a step further and claim that "Nobody's saying cut and run," when in fact that is precisely what most people are saying; of course, we usually use far less obtuse phrases like Bring the troops home now! or US out of Iraq!

But since "Cut and Run" is apparently the only terminology hawks like Kerry, Clinton, Biden, et al. can understand, ReverseVoteSwap.org is proud to launch the Cut & Run Caucus! Now that US troops are in Iraq are bogged down fighting an indigenous resistance movement in an increasingly turbulent environment, the only practical solution is to get the hell out of there. Anything else is an affront to basic common sense. So cut and run, y'all!

Transcript: "Cut & Run Causus" Announcement Press Conference

RVS.ORG: 'Sup fools. We at ReverseVoteSwap.org are proud to announce our first foray out of the world of organizing and into the distinct, non-overlapping world of politics: the Cut & Run Caucus! This Caucus is a savvy, pragmatic coalition of elected officials who have united under our leadership to demand an immediate end to the occupation of Iraq, without meeting a single one of America's strategic goals.

The Cut & Run Caucus adheres to the following points of unity:

  1. Iraq is better than America and will kick our ass at war.
  2. No draft, no military, no doing anything for this shitty country generally.
  3. Support our sorry, outclassed troops by bringing them home.
  4. Learn Chinese to better serve our future masters.

We'd be happy to take any questions at this point.

How many members does the Caucus have now?

The Cut & Run Caucus is, as they say, "Green and Growing!" Which is to say, we have no members. Unfortunately, given the unpragmatic nature of the major parties, we don't expect many of them to embrace the "cut and run" message until it becomes really, really obvious that that's exactly what we're going to do. However, we are examining the possibility of running our own homegrown candidates. Stay tuned!

Isn't this appeasement? Isn't this telling the terrorists they've won?

Two responses. First: what a fucking stupid question. Second: yes. The way we see it, if the terrorists sought to disfigure our society with irrational fear, they've obviously won. If they wanted to draw us into crazy Mideast wars that we'd be too stupid and weak to win, they got us there too. If they wanted to screw up our economy, well, we probably didn't need their help. Maybe if we admit to being crushed like insects, they'll feel sorry for us.

Shouldn't we stay to help the Iraqi people with reconstruction?

Come on man, everyone knows Americans can't build things or do any practical work. All our best people are H1-B, foreign students, or undocumenteds. Even if there are some Americans who know shit, we can't send them to Iraq without having the whole country fall apart in their absence. So who's left? A bunch of lawyers, MBAs, cops, and prison guards. Well, we think the Iraqis can shyster, thieve, beat, and torture themselves if they want to.

If US troops leave, won't Iraq descend into civil war?

In a little over 200 years, the US has had an independence war, a civil war, dozens of labor uprisings, and almost continual race riots. This is addition to basically wiping out the people who really lived here. Americans are serious trouble-makers, it's surprising other countries issue us visas.

One more question.

If you could deliver one snappy, catchphrase-like message to the American people, what would it be?

Cut and run, y'all!

Posted by convener at July 8, 2005 09:20 PM