« Satisfied Customers! | Main | CobbSwapper »

In Distraction 2004

October 02, 2004

Get Out the Vote, Be-atch!

As a uniformly reactionary politician, John Kerry has been having a hard time bamboozling the usual Democratic base into voting for him. His problems with women voters have been the subject of rigorous analysis by psephological science; in any event, the ranting of certain hysterical liberals gives it away.

Of course, the troubles of John Kerry are of no concern to us as ReverseVoteSwap.org, as there are plenty of Bush voters in the swing states with whom to execute Reverse Vote Swaps. However, we have learned, by means of courageous defectors and exiles, that the Democrats are already in the process of launching a major campaign of browbeating. As a public service, we expose these underhanded tactics so that our customers are not caught unawares.

Mary Beth Cahill, nominal head of Kerry's ring of evil viziers, has often stated that women voters are "late deciders" (you know how women are). In the following photo, John Edwards tries to get these broads to hurry the hell up.

Edwards harangues innocent women

We here at ReverseVoteSwap.org think that the deterioration of the Democrats' strength among women has something to do with their abandonment of issues women care about. The Democrats have decided that they need to strike more macho poses to woo the "security mom." Internal poll data shows that the Democrats' traditional mascot, the jackass, causes voters, deep in their subconscious mind, to associate Democrats with a jackass. The following draft logo combines the Kerry campaign themes of hope and destruction of America's enemies in a nuanced way to convey a more positive, patriotic message.

Come see the harder side of Kerry

Finally, this proposed billboard advertisement will run in all cities with large progressive, union, Latino, or Black populations.

Democrats' message to progressives

Posted by convener at October 2, 2004 11:04 AM