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In Distraction 2004

October 31, 2004

Open Letter to Conservatives: Send Us Your Cash Money!

Dear conservatives, right-wing nut-jobs, neo-cons, neo-liberals, Buchanan-lovers, fundamentalists, and assorted wackos,

According to countless hysterical liberals and their assorted organizations, many amongst you have chosen to offer large amounts of cash, no questions asked, to progressive campaigns and groups during this election cycle. If this is indeed true, we would like to thank you. The best thing that rich conservatives like yourselves can do to insure the end of your existence is to donate lots of money to poor progressives. (Dying is not helpful, thanks to inheritance laws which simply move the funds of old reactionaries into the accounts of younger reactionaries.)

However, we do have one complaint. ReverseVoteSwap.org has seen none of your cash money, which we would accept gladly. Please rectify this situation immediately.

Many hysterical liberals have claimed that you have offered support to the progressive Nader-Camejo campaign in the hopes that this might undermine the reactionary Kerry-Edwards campaign. ReverseVoteSwap.org does not pretend to understand why you would wish to attack Kerry, as his economic policies so clearly favor wealthy people like yourselves. Furthermore, since you are donating quite a great deal to Kerry himself, it would be contradictory to also offer funds to Nader since the two candidates are fundamentally opposed to each other.

In short, we simply do not understand why you would consider offering monetary donations to individuals and organizations who hate you. But if by some chance this is indeed what you are doing, ReverseVoteSwap.org would like you to know that no organization can truthfully claim to hate you more than we do, and therefore by the backwards logic claimed by groups like The Nation and TheNaderFactor.com, we are more deserving of your money than anyone else. We also have no qualms about accepting your money, and would even consider posting anti-endorsements on our website in order to let our network of supporters know how much we hate you.

We urge you, then, to open up your large wallets and break us off some of that sweet, sweet cheddar. As we are not a registered PAC or campaign organization, feel free to send us as much as you would like, preferably in the form of ca$h money. Email us to arrange a drop-off. Note: if you fail to pony up, we will interpret that as evidence that rumors of your donations to progressives are merely the result of anti-Nader hysteria, which we largely assume already. We do hope we are mistaken, however, as we are quite interested in your CA$$$H MONEY.

Your class enemies at ReverseVoteSwap.org

Posted by convener at October 31, 2004 10:01 PM