« Message to ABB Liberals | Main | Ted Glick in Plain English »

In Take That, Osama!

April 02, 2005

Milquetoast Liberals for Freedom!

[Friends, ReverseVoteSwap.org recently accepted a $25,000 contract from the Department of Homeland Security to conduct government propaganda in the guise of left-wing political satire. Dollar dollar bill y'all!]

Everyone knows that the greatest threat to America today is Osama, the Supreme Pontiff of Evil, who controls the worldwide Islamo-fascist terror network using eye-blink semaphores in home videos broadcast by the freedom-haters at Al Jazeera. But the second-greatest threat is liberals, the dangerous "second column" of American politics.

It's true that, historically speaking, liberals have always defended Freedom; indeed, they started most of the wars of the last century. But there is always a danger that their occasional squeaks of protest against whatever the Right is doing will transform itself into intransigent revolutionary criticism of the system as a whole. Thus it is necessary for liberals to cleanse themselves through frequent ritual declarations of their loyalty, patriotism, devotion to God and His Interpreters, etc.

That is why we must consider the following statement by George McGovern a great victory in the War on Terror:

Old-fashioned American liberals such as I are accused not only of being weak on defense but also weak on marriage and the family, the work ethic and reverence for religious faith. I resent such groundless political slurs. After all, I hold the Distinguished Flying Cross and the Presidential Medal of Freedom. I have been happily married to the same woman for sixty-one years and am the father of five children and ten grandchildren--all of whom I love dearly, including dear, deceased Terry. As the son of a Wesleyan Methodist clergyman, I dare say that my life has always been enriched and guided by the Judeo-Christian ethic. Nothing has influenced my philosophy more than the Hebrew prophets and the Sermon on the Mount.
The evildoers will surely tremble when they learn that George McGovern, the milquetoastiest of all liberals, is also a studly soldier! No Koran-quoting quack is going to shake his unassailable belief in Judeo-Christianity! What will al-Qaeda do when they realize that the biggest failure in presidential election history, a man with nothing to lose, is still unmovably attached to America?

Take that, Osama!

Posted by convener at April 2, 2005 08:58 PM