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In RVS 2005

April 10, 2005

RVS.org Responds to Election Fraud Allegations

Senator John Kerry claimed in a recent speech that some voters were kept away from the polls in the last election by means of "trickery and intimidation." This shows a bold new approach in Democratic Party scapegoatism, from blame Nader to the more flexible we wuz tricked! argument.

A Republican National Committee spokeswoman (ladies first at the GOP!) denounced Big Ketchup's speech as a "rehash" of "baseless allegations." We here at ReverseVoteSwap.org think that the RNC rep meant "baseless allegations" in the sense of the "baseless allegation" that the FBI killed Malcolm X; ie, a thing no one seriously investigates because it is both politically embarrassing and transparently true. However, as the nation's premier experts in voting analysis and chicanery, we are not prepared to fully associate ourselves with Kerry's views. The following press release should clarify our eminently nuanced position.

PRESS RELEASE: Law of Averages Ensures Accurate Vote for Bourgeois Parties
"As Many Tricked Into Voting As Out of It"

ReverseVoteSwap.org, the epoch-making website which revolutionized the theory and practice of vote-swapping, regards as fucking obvious Senator John "Big Ketchup" Kerry's accusations that "tricks and intimidation" were employed to keep potential voters away from the polls on Election Day. However, our analysis reveals that about as many people must have been tricked and intimidated into voting as out of it, making the vote--for the pro-corporate parties, at least--basically accurate.

Taking simply those votes accruing to Sen. Ketchup, it cannot be denied that many of them were due to shady publications like the Nation which made all sorts of lying claims about Kerry being "opposed to Bush" when in fact their agreement was nearly complete. Furthermore, intimidation and psychological manipulation by Anybody-But-Bush liberals was extremely intense, ensuring that only the most advanced political elements, like Reverse Vote Swappers, would have the tenacity to cast their vote for Nader. Inasmuch as both corporate parties are equally rich and shameless, it is only logical to conclude that the Democratic "get out the vote" scam was about as effective as the Republican "keep out the vote" scam; thus they cancel each other out.

ReverseVoteSwap.org strongly encourages Big Ketchup to MoveOn.org.

Posted by convener at April 10, 2005 10:58 PM